The sky reminded me of a bruise, the pale blue and the dark pinky purple at night. Even the yellowy green. It all smudged together and still entranced me like it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, I think it was. I looked down at my foot which was marked all over in dark grey and turquoise, I guess it kind of looked like a sky too.
It was 1am so the sky right now looked like my brothers room when he pulled his black out blinds down which wasn’t intriguing like a sunset but it it still gave me peace. I was tired, I could feel it. My eyelids were heavy and I held my head up with great defiance. I knew I should go to sleep but I couldn’t, not yet. I wasn’t ready for this day to be over, and even more so I wasn’t ready for tomorrow to start.
Lately things seemed to take a bigger piece of me than usually and I knew I had to stop thinking about it, but it’s easier said than done.
My brother had gone and I couldn’t talk to mum because she wouldn’t understand. She was one of those practical straight up women, the type that needed to see it to believe it, but how do you show someone something in your head?
01:07 pierced through my dark room.
These were the only times I felt in control. I could stop and breathe, I didn’t have to do anything but sit and think. I could think about a book, my favourite book or a film, or a boy. It didn’t matter because everyone else was asleep and I could be alone. And then I fell asleep and too soon another day would begin.
I knew how awful it was to live inside my head rather than outside in reality.
I know what he would say if he was here.
“Come on now. Get out of bed, you can do this, I know you can.”
But he wasn’t here. So I had to do it myself.
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